Lets begin by stating what intimacy is not!
Intimacy is the connection of two hearts and sex is the physical expression of that connection.
Building intimacy takes time. Its not something that just happens between two people. Usually when couples are in the honeymoon period of their relationship, they fall in love. They feel their partner is the center of their universe. They see them as perfect. As we get older and wiser, we tend to be a little more cautious about our choices in partnership. Why? Because we’ve been through our fair share of heartache. We no longer have the emotional energy to allow ourselves the risk getting hurt. This is true especially for us who have suffered toxic relationships.
After the honeymoon period is over which takes about a year to a year and half, the veil is lifted and we begin to see the person for who they really are. This is normal. A lot of couples end up breaking up after the honeymoon period because they have an expectation that they should be in love wonderland for ever. This is an unrealistic expectation!
Once the veil is lifted is where all the really good stuff is. Here, is where real intimacy can be cultivated because here is where you meet the real person, with faults and all.
If you love someone you can’t just love the good parts. You have to take them as they are and love all of them.
How is Intimacy built?
- The first thing in building intimacy is knowing if you’re compatible.
- The second is identifying your core human values and checking if they’re similar / same as your partners. This is vital. If you have different values then you’re most likely not compatible.
- Thirdly, you begin building rituals and activities that enhance your quality time together and your connection.
- Another really important factor is understanding that love is about acceptance. Acceptance of yourself and your partner. Give them freedom to be who they want to be.
- Verbalizing how we feel. Sharing our feelings in an open and honest way is vital in building intimacy. When there is openness, mutual sharing of deep feelings and a physical expression of that sharing, then love has room to grow & not die.
Doesn’t it sound lovely?