What do people really want when it comes to relationships? No matter our fears and judgements, deep down I believe all we want is to be seen, accepted and loved for who we really are. Even the narcissist self centered to the extreme is really seeking validation, approval, adoration and love.
In romantic relationships this notion of allowing them into our inner world can be especially scary. I work with women who tend to have a history of choosing unavailable partners and its ironic what we uncover in our sessions, that underneath the fear and the shame is a deep longing to be seen. The only problem is, that they keep choosing unavailable men.
The problem is that subconsciously we know that the unavailable partner will never be able to give us the attention we are seeking. That is why we choose them, otherwise there would be no attraction. Its a kind of a dance we play going for the dangerous and exciting as my mom used to say. I would know I was attracted to unavailability!
A lot of beliefs about relationships have been distorted through the movie industry today and have painted a false picture in women’s heads about love. The love you see on TV is fake!! That type of thing doesn’t exist! It took me years of personal work to realize that I was always going for the wrong guy and the problem was me and not them. Astounding! I want to save women the time and energy! The dangerous and exciting guy really is a bad boy and he is bad news all the time without a doubt! The good boy, (who also usually is painted as the boring boy) is really a good boy who knows how to treat a lady with the respect she deserves. True story!
I teach women that love and acceptance starts with loving and accepting themselves. We need to give ourselves the love we are searching for in order to be able to make healthier choices in partners.
We don’t get what we want in life, we get what we are!
Our partners are our mirrors. What you see in them is what is in you. Change you to be able to change the partner you’re attracting.
What we need to understand is that no one can ever give us the validation and self worth we need. It comes from within.
The concept of coaching is that the answers you seek are already within you.
We all deserve to be taken care of, to be nurtured, to be heard, to be accepted and wanted. We all deserve to be draped and showered with love.
The trick in getting there is that the first person you need a heart to heart with is yourself and sometimes we just need a little help finding her!