When it comes to relationships I often feel like my growth & learning will never end. It’s an ongoing process that evolves every day both within myself and with others.
It’s the one area in my life in which I’ve suffered the most, and which has also resulted in the biggest transformational growth.
I’ve vastly improved the relationship with myself and others because of the work I’ve done. I mean a lot of self-discovery and soul searching has gone on up until this point in my life and I still have a long way to go for sure.
Without this soul-searching journey though, I wouldn’t have found my purpose which is to serve people through my relationship coaching business.
I love what I do! Did I mention that before? I am so thankful that I get to share what I’ve learned with others.
I come from a very dysfunctional family upbringing where there was loads of screaming and shouting, that was our main way of communication. There was physical abuse and inappropriate physical affection which came from my father.
My father was my main abuser. He was known to be what I like to call a “rager”. He would go off on rages and rants depending on his mood at the time. We never knew what he would do and how he would behave and this left me in terror all of the friggin time. Suffice to say that he was extremely unpredictable and inconsistent. I grew up with inconsistency being the norm in my family. This had serious negative effects on my later relationships in life.
In my romantic relationships especially I would attract unavailable narcissistic men that were extremely controlling and abusive towards me.
My toxic patterns spread into my relationships with effortless ease. I went from one failing relationship to another plus a failed marriage and two kids.
I hit rock bottom two and a half years ago.
What I learned from my rock bottom
Addiction can spread into relationships just as easily as any good old substance, and sometimes the pull of being addicted to a particular person is even worse.
Addictive relationships have one thing in common: They’re all Trauma Bonds
We return to the source of our addiction because its pull links us subconsciously to familiar feelings during our childhood. Until we heal our childhood trauma, we will continue to choose people who are toxic.
Codependency is also very present in addictive relationships where we might feel like we cannot live without this person, or that they have become the sole focus in our life to the exclusion of everything else.
Extreme codependency can look like extreme people-pleasing, allowing your partner to literally do anything just so you can satisfy him or her. Satisfying your partner becomes the sole focus.
Other characteristics of addictive relationships are having no concept of healthy boundaries, often feeling extremely needy, lonely, and having extreme fears of abandonment.
Lastly, often people may live in a fantasy world disassociating with their reality.
If you relate to any of this, please don’t hesitate to reach out and get the help you deserve.
Change is possible!