How to Gain Confidence After a Breakup

Breaking up sucks! We’ve all been there and never want to be there again, yet even after the harshest of breakups there is always hope in the belief that there is a special someone for us out there that will match us ideally, so we never stop searching …

Hope never dies and keeps us going as it should for without it there would be no reason or incentive to go on. Staying hopeful in love requires a shift in mindset that allows you to take the lesson without generalizing about love, men & women. Just because you had a breakup, doesn’t mean that every other relationship will be the same, or just because they mistreated you doesn’t mean that the next one will do the same.

Avoid making such generalizations: “All men cheat, all men are assholes, all women are whiners, all women want marriage, all women want to trap me! Every person I meet will hurt me so I stay away and avoid romance all together!

Relationships above all else are learning experiences that bring us face to face with ourselves. The silver lining in relationship experiences is that even after a breakup what you can take away is not the loss but what you’ve learned about yourself, your needs, wants, and how to avoid making the same mistakes the next time around.

Finding out what you’ve learned in a failed relationship is probably one of the most valuable take aways of the experience but what I want to focus on here today is how we gain back our confidence after a breakup in order to be able to start over again, open our hearts & bravely allow another to enter yet again..

Firstly you need time to heal.

Baby steps! You can’t heal in 5 days. Healing from a breakup takes some time and one thing you must give yourself is time to feel your feelings. Most people avoid this naturally. Its human nature to run away from negative feelings. However, what we do not know is actually running away or burying your negative feelings only makes them stronger and harder to release. The more you avoid feeling the pain, the more is will manifest and build.

Giving yourself time to heal is allowing yourself to feel your feelings!

Some negative feelings that come up after a breakup are anger, resentment, grief, loss, sadness and hurt. What are some other negative feelings you have felt after your breakup?

How do I learn to accept and feel my negative feelings?

You just be! Read a book, stay home, cry, meditate, journal, watch a movie, eat comfort food. Just do you and be you. I usually like staying alone and at home in my comfort space. When Im hurt I don’t like socializing and I don’t have the energy to talk to anyone. The intensity of my feelings takes up most of my energy to talk! So, I stay home, cocoon my self in my bed, eat my favorite meal and watch my favorite movie! Just be!!

Do not jump into another relationship to get over the last one!!!!!

This is actually one of the worse things you can do because you’re just transferring all your shit onto the next person and carrying it with you cause you haven’t dealt with it properly.

What does this do to the other person?

It f***s them up because you’re basically just using them for a dumping ground! Lets be real here folks. Be honest with yourself and others!

Instead….

  • Meditate, journal
  • Talk to a friend, find support to deal with your breakup and your feelings. Professional support in the form of a coach will help you create an action plan to get where you want to go which is gaining confidence to go back out there with an open heart. Cause if you want to find your soulmate you have to have an open heart. !! Sessions will help you realize that just cause the relationship failed doesn’t make you a failure! Plus, coaching is great because it focuses on building the positive and not perpetuating the negative!! Thats why I love relationship coaching!
  • Be kind to yourself!
  • Dress the way you feel inside!
  • Move your body to release and shift stale energy. Dance, exercise, take a walk, hike. I dance and hike!!!
  • Do something creative. Some of my more creative inspiring thoughts have come during my grieving process. Creativity is a great way of healing. Draw, write, paint, blog, gardening, rock painting, etc… the list is endless.

What are some other ways you can boost your confidence levels up after your breakup?

About Christina Kyranis

A Relationship counselor and coach

I will always be interested in self-improvement and growth, for without them my soul will spiritually die. Mine is a journey of continually realizing my true self. My purpose is to help you reach the truest version of yourself. "Success in any endeavor depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self." Ralph Marston

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