How to find your true love at 40

One question plagues the minds of many men and women today, “how will I find true love?” I know it plagues mine, especially if you’re 40 and single. It can be daunting when at social gatherings one is introduced, you know the comment is coming and their next statement is “nice to meet you, and where is your partner?”  My answer reluctantly is “oh, I am single and loving it.” Or, “I am divorced and single with two kids.” Ugh! Often replying with a huge grin on my face, trying to hide the embarrassment.

I won’t lie, being single has its pay offs, but deep down, we all want to share our lives with someone special. However, at the age of 40 most of us are more mature and set in our ways. We are not willing to settle for just anyone. So, where does one start? How do we go about looking for the right one if you’re 40 and divorced, or 40 and never married, or 40 and still single, or 40 and fed up with all your failed relationships?

One might think that finding the “one” is a matter of looking in the right place,  but I would say that the right place to start is with yourself.  The where comes after. Firstly, we must be aware of what we are looking for and why. To know this, we must know ourselves.

Applications provide us with profiles set to accommodate exactly what we’re looking for, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, and Blendr are just to name a few. These can help you with the “where”, but not only. Online dating is a very popular way to meet new people. Gone are the days where you might go up to someone having coffee across from you and say HI! Today its all about texting, chatting and sexting. If you want to meet someone today you must update your ways.

First, lets back up a little. Although these apps can be great, I believe that first we must do some ground work.  We need to know ourselves before searching for the right partner. This is key if we want to find the right one, and not just any one. I have done extensive research on the subject and one popular figure has managed to gain and sustain my attention and that is the one and only Tony Robbins. .  He says it the best, we have to know what we are looking for, kind of like doing a job interview.

Before you actually go on a date try answering these questions for yourself. Does he have the qualities and attributes I am looking for in a partner?  In order to answer this question, you must make a list of what attributes you are looking for. So, below is a list of to do’s before you begin your search for Mr. or Ms. right.

1. What went wrong in my past relationships?  Is there a pattern of failure?

2. What attracted you to a person in the past?

3. What attracts you to a person today? Has this changed?

4. Make a list of characteristics you would like in a partner. What are you looking for ?      examples: humor, kindness, support, generosity, divorced, has children, wants children, likes traveling, etc.

5. What are my deal breakers? What am I willing to put up with and what not?

6. Can he/she get the job done?

If you can sincerely answer these questions, then I would say you are on the right path. The best place to start is with yourself!

About Christina Kyranis

A Relationship counselor and coach

I will always be interested in self-improvement and growth, for without them my soul will spiritually die. Mine is a journey of continually realizing my true self. My purpose is to help you reach the truest version of yourself. "Success in any endeavor depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self." Ralph Marston

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