As humans we all mess up. Its part of our nature. If you’re anything like me messing up becomes a endless spiral of shame and guilt leaving me stuck in negative places I can’t get out of. This negative place is always in my head.
I place high standards for myself being a coach and counsellor, there is this big expectation that I should know better! Alas, though is that the point I often find myself asking? Is the point to be perfect, or is the point to learn from my mistakes?
The point is to shift your perspective from negative to positive and learn!
One question I’d like to ask you is this, what does messing up look like for you? In your relationships, in your work, with your family, or your friends? When it comes to work I think thats a pretty easy to navigate. Admit your mistake makeup for it and do better next time and hopefully your boss will let you off the hook ! Just this once. ha! When it comes to personal relationships things can be quite different, even hard. Romantic relationships are the hardest in my opinion. There are so many expectations we place on ourselves and our partner that often this could lead to disappointment.
Unrealistic expectations of others is at the top of the list for reasons relationships end or stay in unresolved conflict.
Messing up in my relationships looks like me putting others want and needs ahead of my own. When I do this, I compromise myself and actually let myself down. You see, Im a huge people pleaser. I was taught as a child to gain love and self worth from doing for others and placing myself last on the list. It was selfish. It has been quite difficult to break that pattern but I’ve come a long way and today I remember to take care of my needs and wants before involving myself with others.
What does your pattern of self sabotage look like? How do you let yourself down? First, to know how you let yourself down you need a certain level of self awareness. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you understand how you compromise yourself:
- Do you want certain things but find it difficult to ask for them or express them ?
- Do you say YES when you really want to say NO?
- Are you a people pleaser?
- Do you over commit then secretly hold resentment to others for asking ?
- Are you unclear about what you really want in a relationship?
- Do you find it hard to set boundaries for yourself?
- Do you find yourself accepting and allowing people to treat you any way they please?
- Are you too accommodating ?
These are some questions that should prompt you to think about your pattern of behavior. Its powerful to acknowledge our pattern of behavior, before acknowledging another’s because then we can change it. Self awareness is the most self empowering process we can embark on . ITs a gift to yourself, to get to know yourself, to become intimate with your self before you become intimate with someone else.
How did you let yourself down today?