Often in relationships we can lose ourselves to our partner thinking that this is normal. The more enmeshed I am to my partner the more I love him /her, the more we are love. This is not the case. In fact this is really unhealthy.
A large part of my relationship coaching is learning what healthy relationships are. In a healthy relationship both parties have their own hobbies and friends outside of the relationship. They don’t feel threatened because they are secure within themselves. Their individuality is important and their emotional freedom matters.
When the opposite is true people can often lose themselves in the process of bonding with their partner thinking that this is the way its meant to happen, not realizing that somewhere along the way, they have completely lost their sense of identity. Often its a result of low self esteem and a low sense of self worth. In the process we try and get our sense of value from our partner. When this happens we may come off as needy, over protective, suffocating and pressuring.
Lets look at some signs that may help you identify if you have lost yourself.
Sign posts you are losing yourself in your relationship
- Overly Accommodating
- Over pleasing
- Liking everything he / she does
- Not having any pass time outside the relationship
- Losing hobbies
- Losing friends
- Not spending time alone
- You lose sight of your desires, needs and wants
- You lose sight of who you are / loss of identity
A lot of people think that their value is given to them by their partner.
For me, It was about finding and understanding my own value as an individual person In and out of a relationship.
We are valuable on our own, our relationship doesn’t define us, we define us. Our thoughts, perceptions, beliefs and feelings about ourselves define us. Through relationship coaching we identify where our thoughts and feelings might be miscued, misguided and false. Together, we find the real person underneath our belief systems which often don’t even come from us, but from what happened to us as children and what we were told by our parents and teachers.
With my clients we go on a journey of coming back to yourself.
Coming home to yourself.
If you find yourself identifying to the list, don’t worry you are not the only one.
Be gentle with yourself. Life is a journey of self discovery. One step at a time.