False Self

Who am I ? What do I want in a relationship?

These are a few questions I ask during my sessions and often before we can actually answer them for real, we need to do a little digging.

This digging is what I like to call self discovery.

Imagine that you’re an onion. If you start peeling away the layers, whats at the core?

These layers upon layers of self are partly layers we’ve learned to build as a means of self protection and self preservation. For a lot of us even survival mechanisms due to abuse we’ve suffered.

The consequences of this abuse or lack of needs met from our parents, often results in the manifestation of our false self.

What is a false self?

The False Self is an artificial persona that people create very early in life to protect themselves from re-experiencing developmental trauma, shock and stress in close relationships.

What are some of the characteristics it portrays?

  • Being co-dependent
  • Addictive behavior
  • Playing the victim
  • Shame
  • Critical Voice
  • Angry – explosive
  • Overwhelmed
  • “I can’t do it”
  • Depressed / low energy

All these parts we may exhibit in our relationships and relating to others through behavior and feelings are our false self.

How do we overcome our false self?

Overcoming it may not be the best choice of word for it because I don’t think we can completely overcome it as it is a part of ourselves.

It is more a point of acceptance rather than rejection. Through the process of identifying limiting beliefs and negative relationship patterns we can come to practice self acceptance more than anything else. Through self acceptance true healing can start to take place.

So back to peeling the onion! We peel the onion, (the parts of ourselves that make up our whole), and in the center is your true being. Some call it the soul, others, the heart center. I like to call it my higher self.

We are never always in this higher self mode. It is impossible for we are human and in our humanness we are flawed. It is, however, our personal responsibility to ourselves and others to cultivate ourselves continuing our daily practice of re connecting back to our center again and again. Its like physical exercise. If you go once to the gym, you wont’ see any progress. However, if you go three times a week for a continued basis the affects of that will begin to show.

Connecting , uncovering, and discovering our true selves is a lot like strengthening that muscle. That part of you that is your highest potential, where, when operating from this level of self , magic happens. Everything and anything is possible. This is the essence of my work. This is what I want for people to experience. If I could I would give it away freely, I want to give it to you, but it doesn’t work that way.

I’d like to leave you with an invitation.

It may seem overwhelming for some at first, but alas, don’t worry.

I invite you, just for today, as you finish reading this blog, try and practice acceptance. Acceptance of you , where your at, what you’re feeling in this present moment, your present life situation.

Just surrender and accept. And if you find that too hard, thats fine. Just accept that as well.

About Christina Kyranis

A Relationship counselor and coach

I will always be interested in self-improvement and growth, for without them my soul will spiritually die. Mine is a journey of continually realizing my true self. My purpose is to help you reach the truest version of yourself. "Success in any endeavor depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self." Ralph Marston

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