As a relationship coach one of my main goals for my clients is to take them from sick love to healthy love.
To teach them the difference and make them aware through the process of self discovery where they have blocks, negative patterns and beliefs about themselves and getting to where their needs, wants and desires are met.
Most people are prone to sick love. Don’t worry. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t have some form of misinterpretation around what true love actually means. This is partly because the world has been programmed to believe what they see on TV is real. I blame Hollywood and the music industry for that! The other large part comes from our childhood.
Can we change? Yes, absolutely.
In one of my posts on my social media platform of Instagram I wrote the “greatest journey one can make is the journey from their head to their heart.” I love that. Through self discovery we can do that.
Becoming connected to our heart means connecting to what we truly want need and desire. ITs where our greatest potential lays. Only through self searching can we find the answers to what really makes us happy.
When our needs are not met as children, we grow up not knowing how to connect to our true nature not knowing our own values or needs as adults. Sometimes in severe cases the abuse is really bad. It means that we’ve been traumatized to the extent that we build walls of protection which grow well into adulthood creating disfunction in all our relationships.
As a result, often abused people don’t know what it means to give or receive love. Others may come off as extremely needy or extremely avoidant, narcissistic and self centered. Others fall into addiction.
One thing I’ve learned on my journey is that what we all really crave is to find something more meaningful from our lives, and on a deeper level authentic love is what we are all seeking.
A Little Sick love
- Sick love comes from a place of lack and fear. It is based on the concept that I am nothing without this person and now I have found everything, which is the object of my affection. If I lose him/her I will have nothing, therefore I have to do everything in my power to keep him/her. This is one way sick love manifests.
- Another way can be the bond between a narcissist and a codependent. As relayed above the codependent cant live without his/her partner. They are usually extremely accommodating leaving their needs completely aside. Codependents have extremely low self esteem and low sense of self worth which is why they cling on to others. They are basically feeding off of others to give them their reason to live. Narcissists work in a similar way but from the opposite spectrum. They are extremely controlling and self centered. The fit is perfect because each feed off each other.
- Not allowing their partner space, physical and or emotional space. Thinking that they have to do everything together.
- Not having friends and hobbies outside of the relationship.
- Feeling threatened when the other chooses or thinks and feels differently from you.
- Physical, emotional or sexual abuse can also be present and not being able to end the relationship.
- In sick love relationships there is a lot of emotional pain, hurt and sadness and people mistake this for sign of true love. IT IS NOT! LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL PAIN!
A lot of Healthy love
- Healthy love comes from a place of self love first and far most. This is the bases of a functioning healthy relationship.
- Self esteem, self worth is present as well as self empowerment. I don’t need another to complete me attitude.
- I know what my needs, wants and desires are.
- I set boundaries.
- I don’t allow people to put me down, insult me or minimize me because I know my worth. Therefore, the partner becomes a companion and not a life line and a sole source of happiness.
- There is intimacy
- There is honesty. I am able to express my emotions freely and I feel safe enough to do so.
- I do not feel threatened when my partner seeks a life outside our relationship.
- We are there for each other and support the common goals of the relationship as well as our individual goals.
- We have rituals and practices that we do together.
- The positive outway the negative by a long shot! The arguments don’t damage the relationship, instead the couple grows from them.
- Both are committed to the relationship because a healthy relationship is built brick by brick together, but knowing yourself is the foundation on which it is all built upon.
I hope I might have brought some clarity as to some of the differences between sick and healthy love.
And remember Happiness begins in you!